Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
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Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
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Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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