I'm really into asian looking animals
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
