im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So much rum. So many feels.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
