i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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