At least make sure they are 18
Why
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
