I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
