420 ftw
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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