Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
