hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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