my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
