just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
