Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
