im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
