Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I need a beard to bite.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
