Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
