just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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