her vagina looked like bernie madoff
my sisters under your porch take her home
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
