wakey wakey hands off snakey
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
