I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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