We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
