Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
