why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
