i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
