just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
