And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize
