i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
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he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
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The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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