i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize