Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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