did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
