I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
