if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
