That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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