I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
