I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
