Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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