so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
