That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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