you have to choose: penises or morals?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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