someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
