garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The best revenge is premature balding
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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