I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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