And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
