I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
