overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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