Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
