Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
