It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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