When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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