Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
