I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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