Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I won't apologize to a one balled man
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
