1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
