I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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